life and everything else

Well let's see... it's been a while since I wrote a blog... what has changed... mandie and her kids have been home and it's been AMAZING to visit with them... ryan and i are OFFICIALLY engaged... the ulcers on my colon are all over instead of just in a central location (oh joy.)... i found out today my sister, dawn, is pregnant again. so yes... LOTS going on... more news to come too in the near future.

Well... as many of you know, i have a slight obsession with the Amish. and by that i mean an UNHEALTHY obsession. and today... ryan's parents helped to feed this obsession. that's right folks... we went to amish country. it might be the greatest day of my life. we went to furniture stores and quilting stores and a restaurant... it was spectacular. we got to see a LOT of buggies and amish people. i LOVED it.  so while our break hasn't been relaxing, lots of good things have been going on.

Now... on another note. I'm soooo sick of stupid people. I love the people that repeatedly nag you about something. I mean seriously, it brings a joy to my life. NOT. It's one thing if they at least pretend to have other things to talk to you about or whatever and pretend that there is other stuff going on to tell you about it. But one line emails are not nice when it's nagging. And then you finally solve the problem (which was not your fault in the first place) and they don't bother to even say thank you or even acknowledge that they got your email saying the problem was solved. My other issue is with people who say "i never see you" "we never hang out" "we never talk anymore" or crap like that, but then when you call them or anytime you try to hang out... they never can or something ALWAYS 'comes up' (you seiously can't be sick that often. i know this. i have ulcers all over my colon and even I am not sick that much). Or they never make an effort in the friendship. Friendships aren't one way. They are two ways. So stop pissing and moaning and get over yourself. The world doesn't revolve around you guys just because you are stupid and inconsiderate.

I really am in a great mood and I really have amazing things going on right now. I'm just tired of people who insist on being stupid. It's been amazing to spend soooooo much time with family lately. It really makes me miss them more when we're not around. but at least we don't live far from family.

so... some of you may or may not remember stuff that was going on in my life in the fall of  '04 through January 5, 2005... but i'll take a hot minute to explain. I started working at the ELC in August 2004 and at our first meeting they said there was a prayer request for a little girl who was 2 and a half that had luekemia and things did not look good. Through the fall we saw her ups and downs. And she ultimately won her fight with cancer January 5, 2005 because she went home to be with Jesus and what an amazing way to finish a race. She was playing up until hours before she passed away. She wasn't in pain when she died. In fact, it was the most peaceful death. She just crawled up on her mom in bed and laid her head on Cheryl's chest and went to sleep. It's sad, but it's amazing how God works. Her mom is so strong. I look at her and hope that I can have the faith and strength that she has found in Christ. She had finally had a baby girl, who at 5 months was diagnosed with cancer and at 2 years and 7 months, went home to be with Jesus.

Anyways... I was looking at precious Amanda's website (which is at the top) and just browsing through a few of the links on her page and others and came across a little girl with Rett Syndrome. She had an absolutely amazing poem on her page that I want everyone to see.  It reminds me a lot of Camp Barnabas.  Society and the people closest to these families with children that aren't "typical" see it as a burden, but these children touch people. They touch people more than a 'typical' child does, often. It's amazing. I know my stomach disorder doesn't even compare to what these families go through, but I can relate in a very minor way. It's a hard thing being told, "You have ulcers on your large intestine. There is no cure. The only cure is removing your colon. This is a chronic condition and you will be on medication your entire life."... as if puberty wasn't enough, I was plagued with this. It's not nearly as bas it sounds. For the most part I've gotten it under control and live a perfectly 'normal' life. I know what I'm limited to, but I know that I just have to push on. I do not see this as a burden and I know my parents don't. We learned so much about faith and depending on God... we learned that we take so much for granted and to be thankful for what we do have instead of what we don't. I was taught this lesson over and over again this summer at camp. These children teach you so much... anyways... enough of my rambling, here is the poem. I hope it touches you the same way it's touched me...

THEY BRING OUT THE BEST IN US
_______________________________

Each of us has our own definition of blessings. For those of us whose lives are touched by Rett Syndrome, blessings are abundant. And although many people may see our lives as tragic, we do not have to look far to see the many blessings our daughters have brought to our lives. We only have to look into their eyes, and deep within ourselves.

While society sees them as a powerless people, they have such tremendous power to change us, the ability to make weak men strong and to make strong men weep. Although parts of our hearts withered with grief from the loss, the rest of our hearts grew so big to make room for their pure unselfish love.

We have learned that none of us is perfect; we are all in different stages of imperfection, all handicapped in some way. And even though the time and energy spent caring for these girls is sometimes exhausting, they enable us to experience the rich rewards of caring for them as we receive more than we give.

They have to be fed, yet they feed our spirits. They need help to walk, yet help us to walk taller. They cannot speak in words, yet tell a story of unconditional love.

We may have spent a whole lifetime trying to teach them, yet every day it is they who give the lessons and we who learn. We learn how to give and how to take, how to give help and how to ask for it.

They give us courage when the rest of the world says to give up, determination when it would have been easier to resign.

We learn about justice and the unfairness of having to fight for equal rights in an unequal world.

Our daughters help us to distinguish the important things in life, Things like love, sharing, getting along in the world, the knowledge that loved ones are safe, healthy and making a difference.

We learn not to jump to conclusions nor rush to judgement about the way things should or should not be. They teach us to pause and think, and to realise that words like rich, famous, beautiful and talented are only adjectives, and not important adjectives at that.

We learn patience not only in providing for their care, but also for those who stare, for professionals who don’t always listen and for those who don’t understand. And we struggle to learn forgiveness for them all.

From our girls we learn an appreciation for life’s little blessings. Important stuff like smiles and giggles, a spark of recognition, faltering steps, wet kisses, a day with no seizures.

In understanding the complexity of the human brain and the many problems that can occur, we realise that each one of us is a miracle.

They teach us that our capacity to love is enormous, greater than we ever knew possible. They fill us with the ability to protect, nurture and care, show us how to accept today, and dare us to dream of a better tomorrow.

They bring out the best in us.

Written by Kathy Hunter
Parent, Founder and President
International Rett Syndrome Association
1-800-818-RETT

So here are some amazing lyrics... They are on the week 9 Cross Carry part of the camp dvd and they're just so simple that it's amazing....

Christ for the Nations: The More I Seek You

The more I seek You

The more I find You

The more I find You

The more I love You

I wanna sit at Your feet

Drink from the cup in Your hand

Lay back against You and breathe

Feel Your heartbeat

This love is so deep

It's more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace

It's overwhelming

I've found that sometimes it's the simplest of things that truly make us open our eyes. God's not calling us to have these amazing and elaborate words coming from our mouths and hearts... he's simply seeking a willing and open heart, a heart and life truly surrendered to him.

Shawn McDonald: Open Me

Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so could love You more
I want to serve You, my God
I want to give everything
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, yeah

Here I am with my arms open wide
Asking for You to come up, up inside
Won't You make me new, won't You make me true
Jesus, won't You make me like You, oh

Will You touch my eyes so I can see
Will You touch my ears so I can hear
Will You touch my mind so I can know
Will You touch my heart so I can love You more
Won't You open me
Won't You open me, open me

So pretty much this week was a big huge waste of time. I stayed in lynchburg to babysit all week and ended up babysitting a day and a half and getting screwed out of money. I could've gone home and made more money in less time. Oh well.

My other issue right now is all of the churches that are cancelling church on Sunday because it's Christmas. Does anyone else see the problem with this picture? I mean, the whole point of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. I understand that we've turned this holiday into (presents, parties, family, and friends) and that's great. But, it's time to realize why we truly celebrate it. Maybe the thought is that the pastor needs time with his family too, and that's true. But Christmas falling on a Sunday is something that comes along with the job. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm asking too much of the church today. I don't know, but I kinda see a problem. At first when my mom said "yes we are going to church on Christmas!" my reaction was "but what about gifts!" and then I thought about it... I wouldn't get any gifts or the amazing family I have if it weren't for Christ's birth.

That's enough of my ranting, I doubt anyone cares about the fact that there is no church on Sunday... maybe they see it as a nice vacation day. I miss Ryan and December 28th will be great when he gets to my house. I'm excited to go spend time with my parents and maybe a few old friends at home. And i get to make money while i'm home... wahoo!!! Well i'm going to go sleep until the kids wake up!

Currently Listening How Great Is Our God By Passion Worship Band see related

So... lots has been going on this week. It was finals week. SUCK. i needed to get like an 80 on my stats final to get my C... yea... far from it. I'm not upset that i have to retake it (yes, it sucks, but oh well, at least i didn't get an F), i'm frustrated that i went to class and did all of the work and studied my tail off and it got me nowhere. Oh well, what can ya do? On my biology final, i needed a 100 to get a grade that would transfer... yea... that was basically impossible. Oh well, third time is a charm, right? Here is the good news... i woke up at 5:45 due to a call from mrs stinson saying i didn't have to come in to the ELC because they were closed for the day! so an extra hour of sleep... when i woke up, the roads were snowy and it was about to start sleeting, so Ryan drove me to my 8:00 final. I just needed and 80 (or so i thought) to have a B in the class. No big deal, i'd gotten a 76 and a 79 on the other two tests w/o studying, so it was a breeze. I studied a little bit, but nothing extensive. I got a 79... all I could think was "just my luck. one point away."... but, since i am almost always in class and participate and am pretty honest, the teacher LOVES me... it's great. he dropped my attendance quiz (the one that i walked into class right after he finished giving it). I ended up with an 83% in the class... YAY!!!! so that was wonderful!

So... here is a funny story. Yesterday... actually, let me start w/ Tuesday... Tuesday on the way home from Ryan's house, my gas light came on. I thought, "no big deal, I'll get gas on my way to babysitting after the ELC in the morning."... well i pulled into the gas station and went to get my check card and my wallet wasn't there. I was like, "hmm... that's right, i took it in from ryan's car. it's at the house. i'll stop by, grab it and get gas on the way to babysitting."... well i couldn't find it anywhere, so i searched my car again... the wallet was nowhere to be found. I just figured I had left it in Ryan's car. I text-ed him and told him to check when he woke up. It wasn't there either. All i could figure was that i had thrown it in my chik fil a bag... which had gone to the dumpster the night before. I knew that if that was the case, it would've sucked, but at least i had my passport for ID to go get money from the bank and a new license. For lunch, i came home and ryan was going to meet me here so I could go get cash from the bank ( i didn't have enough gas to do all of it). Well... I went to grab my keys to go in my house... yea... i'd left them inside earlier in my rush to get out. so here i am. no gas, no money, no wallet (which means no id), and no way to get to my house. I just went and got the extra key from the leasing office. I got inside... yea, my wallet was on the couch, under a pile of laundry. And my keys... they were laying on the chair. I just sat down and laughed. Who else does this stuff happen to? yea... only i could manage to pull enough stupid stuff like that in a matter of about 3 hrs. (it almost compares to the time on the way home from the Dominican Republic that our plane got a delayed take off because I couldn't find my wallet and had to run back into the terminal and it was in my pillow case (that was on my lap) the whole time )

here's a really great song that has been running through my head all week! just thought i'd share it...

Here I am humbled by Your Majesty
Covered by Your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since You laid down Your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in Your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by Your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that You give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm Your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire